Male Menopause Passion8 Mail order UK

Beating the male menopause with a monthly cycle

I hit the Big Five-O back in the summer - 50's not that old these days, honest - and bought myself a bicycle.

This was a proper bicycle: it actually looks 'retro' but is really very high-tech. (A bit like me come to think of it). Even the saddle has independent suspension, which you can actually 'soften' or 'harden'. The former I have found increasingly useful, not to say comfortable, especially with the few pounds I've put on over Christmas and somehow just haven't been able to shake off.

I went into the 'Bike Boutique' sure of my own mind: "Listen my good man, I don't want a mountain bike because I'm not even going to be cycling down any mountains, let alone up them." Especially true since we live in the Fens: that horizontal hot-bed of cycling."

"And I don't want a racing bike, with those funny, foreign drop handle bars, anorexically thin tyres and a seat that makes me piles ache just looking at it."

"What you want then squire," said the assistant, conspiratorially, "Is a hybrid." And twenty minutes later I walked, or rather pedalled out, the proud owner of a TREK Navigator 200 . . . and several hundred pounds lighter.

The first time I rode it into town a female friend stopped me: "Only you Rod. Most men when they turn 50 treat themselves to a sports car or some other penile-enhancing substitute. Only you would get yourself a bike !"

On the other hand, Clare, who has been my loyal spouse for half of those 50 years and therefore knows me better than most, simply shrugged: "It's the men-opause."

And that set me thinking. Being slap-bang in the middle of the female kind, she would know. Of course us men don't suffer from hot-flushes, or insomnia or what's it called when you can't remember what things are called or where you left them or what day it is or even your own name ? Oh yes, that's it amnesia !

Nor do we ignite into fits of incandescent rage just because your other half forget something trivial like your wedding anniversary. Nor, as far as I am aware, are there male equivalent of menopausal jokes like this:

Q. How many women with the menopause does it take to change a light bulb ?

A. 36.

Q. Why ?

A. IT JUST DOES THAT'S ALL !!!!! (To really appreciate this try delivering it at an ear-bleeding decibel level and in a tone of voice that would blister paint.)

But undeniably men DO have a menopause. Just like for a woman, the effects can hit at different times and last for varying lengths of time and, I would argue, can be every bit as physically and psychologically profound.

Whether they admit it or not, most men like to think of themselves as a bit of a 'stud', a ladies' man. And I feel that for most men 'the menopause' arrives the day they realise they have suddenly become invisible, dropped right off the radar, as far as every nubile - and I mean that in its literal sense - women on the planet.

Being rich, famous and devilishly handsome can most certainly stave off this effect for a while . . . but it is only delaying the inevitable.

Physical deterioration is equally inevitable. We all look the mirror and kid ourselves: "I don't look any different." And genuinely we DO still feel like a 21 year old on the side. On the outside however the changes are so incremental and insidious you don't notice the difference. But try looking at a picture of yourself taken 20 or even ten years ago and then saying that you haven't changed a bit.

We are all living longer than we used to: old age is starting later and lasting longer; thanks to better diet, health-care and fitness regimes. Fifty something really is still middle-age these days. Nevertheless there comes the point where you have to accept that you are - how can I put this delicately ? - over-the-hill. The body starts to lose muscle-tone, skin loses its elasticity and things start to sag.

As anyone who has done contact sports will now, the body takes much longer to recover, minor cuts and bruises can take weeks to heal. Menopausal men become tired much more quickly and, as a result, will be mentally less sharp. As a child I used to wonder why aged uncles, particularly, and aunts always used to fall asleep after Christmas lunch . . . now it's all I can do to stop myself nodding off most evenings.

Things start of 'nod off' in the bedroom as well, or as the old song has it: 'When it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night, then you're the oldest swinger in town.' not that that is always a bad thing !

More good news is that the mind is the body's most erogenous zone. If you, and your partner, are in reasonably good health, stay mentally fit and keep your imagination stimulated then there's no reason why you shouldn't enjoy an active and fulfilling sex life.

Fortunately for men with potency problems these days there are 'little blue pills': Viagra and Cialis; that will make an erection stronger and longer lasting. This is bio-mechanical engineering, not miracle working, based in increasing blood-supply and you need to remember that you have to be aroused to get an erection in the first place. This is where using your imagination plus some stimulation from an understanding partner comes in 'handy'.

Libido patches and pheromones work for some people and 'potions and lotions' can be used to spice up your love life. Vaginal Lubricants can magnify pleasurable sensations for both men and women, and these days lubes and massage oils come in a wide range of scents and flavours . . . try anything with peppermint or menthol in for an Extra Strong effect. Vibrators are a proven way of increasing a women's pleasure and even her orgasmic ability, but can also be very useful for the male both in terms of his ability to 'pleasure' his partner and his own arousal. Talk with your partner about what turns you on and don't be afraid to experiment.

Ironically the most effective sex toy - and the one we have had the most fun with - was a CB-3000 male chastity belt, although I'm prepared to accept it may well be other people's idea of kinky rather than erotic.

I bought it, from Passion8, as a surprise after we had read a newspaper story about a man getting caught wearing one while going through an airport security metal detector, and presented Clare with the keys on a silver chain wear around her neck . . . while I was wearing the belt.

To her credit she didn't scream and run off to a divorce lawyer but actually entered into the spirit of the thing enthusiastically . . . maybe even a touch too enthusiastically. But then if you think about it what woman wouldn't get something of a thrill about having the keys to the family jewels handed over to her safe, and exclusive, keeping ?

The 'rules' we have evolved mean that I only wear the belt when Clare orders me to, or when she has the keys around her neck or when she calls me to let me know she has the keys. When she calls on a Friday night it can lend a whole new meaning to the term 'Long Weekend'.

I find wearing the chastity belt, incredibly arousing and frustrating in equal measure. It is comfortable and unobtrusive to wear and yet at the same time very secure. You soon get used to having it on, even sleeping in it, and yet you are always aware of its presence.

It is a very strange sensation to have any part of your own body locked away from you, unable even to touch yourself. Sex is obviously out of the question, as is masturbation, even getting an erection or any form of physical stimulation, until or unless your keyholder permits it . . . mentally however I'm on overdrive.

It's a strange thing, having been married for more than 25 years we both lead busy lives, have just comfortably slipped into a routine - as all couples inevitably do - and it's not unusual for a week or more to go by without us making love and not worry about it.

However from the second I put the CB-3000 on and I literally can't stop think about sex, and specifically with Clare. After all, as I've told her, the most beautiful women in the world could walk by stark naked and I couldn't even raise a smile.

Ironically, for her part it often seems that no sooner have I put the belt on than she can't wait to get it off me. Although she does know that she'll be getting exactly what she wants and exactly when she wants it.

So yes, the male menopause is real, even if its effects aren't always as obvious and debilitating as they are for females, and it certainly doesn't need to mean the end of sex for either of you.
Take your time and make time for yourselves, let's face it the kids are probably grown and gone, so it is one commodity you should finally have lots of ! Pleasure deferred can often be pleasure preferred.

Explore your own and each other's bodies anew, learn about the changes taking place and learn to live with them.

Finally, Men, remember to keep yourselves as mentally and physically fit as you can. And if the men-opause just gets too much for you . . . simply do three or four miles on the monthly cycle.